we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
