we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
