Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
