Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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