I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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