there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
