I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
