Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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