it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
