This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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