u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
