You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
