Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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