Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
