Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
