sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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