At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
