Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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