Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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