whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
