Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
