This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
