if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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