the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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