***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
