I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
