By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
