DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
