he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
