omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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