I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
