shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
