Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish you could order shots online.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
