fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
