i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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