just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
