dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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