dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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