the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
