just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
