hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
