we're blogging at a bar
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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