I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
