You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
