I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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