So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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