WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
