im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
