living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
