My nipple is on Facebook.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we're making bets on your personal life
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
