I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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